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To Whom It May Concern:
At the age of 27, my life took an unexpected turn when I was diagnosed with Stage 1B hormone positive breast cancer with no family history. I was living my best life in the heart of New York City, growing in my career and embracing the opportunities that came my way. Prior to my diagnosis, I had been making strides as a rising professional in the business side of oncology, playing a pivotal role in building a cancer center from the ground up and subsequently managing its operations as soon as it opened.
Little did I know that a life-altering journey awaited me just around the corner. It was during a trip to South Korea with my fiance when we both discovered a lump in my right breast. This moment marked the beginning of my battle against breast cancer, one that would ultimately shape the person I am today.
Transitioning from an oncology manager to a cancer patient, my breast cancer journey launched into full force. I froze my eggs, had a bilateral mastectomy, underwent 14 rounds of aggressive chemotherapy, and had port placement and port removal surgeries. I also underwent rigorous physical therapy for 1 year and opted to get breast implants via plastic surgery. Eight months after receiving my cancer diagnosis, I then embarked on a 10-year hormone therapy journey.
I lost count of the number of times I’ve been pricked, sliced, scanned, medicated, and infused. I lost my hair. I lost my breasts. I lost precious time in my twenties. I lost many things that once shaped who I was. Despite this, I never lost my resilience and gained far more than I could have ever imagined.
Today, as a four-year breast cancer survivor, I aim to share the valuable life lessons I’ve learned to inspire fellow cancer thrivers.
Here are 10 Lessons for Cancer Survivors:
1. Love yourself.
Before being diagnosed with breast cancer, I used to criticize my body and personality traits whenever I looked in the mirror. I wasn’t satisfied with what I saw and would dwell on things I wanted to change. Dealing with breast cancer made facing my reflection even more difficult, especially after experiencing hair loss, losing both breasts, bearing scars across my chest, and feeling a significant blow to my confidence in all aspects of life. I engaged in a lot of negative self-talk before and during my cancer journey. However, there was a moment during the later stages of treatment that marked a shift for me. I’ll never forget the day I noticed my new hair beginning to grow back. It felt like my first real victory after enduring what seemed like a continuous string of losses. This moment was pivotal because it was the first sign of what I was fighting for and served as a reminder of what I was capable of. Surviving cancer in my twenties taught me how different life really is when you practice self love vs when you don’t. I learned that loving myself is fundamental to experiencing joy and living a fulfilling life. It influences how I speak to myself, how I carry myself, how I approach challenges, and how I interact with others. Now, when I gaze in the mirror, I thank my mind, body, and soul for what they endured. I acknowledge that I am still a work in progress, but instead of completely neglecting self-love as I did before cancer, I now make a conscious effort to prioritize it in my life.
2. Managing fear of recurrence gets better with time.
My biggest challenge throughout survivorship has been dealing with fear of recurrence. It took me a long time to realize this, but I’ve found that managing this fear becomes easier with time, although it remains a significant concern for many of us. Over the years, I have found strategies that work best for me and help me worry less about the cancer returning. However, these tactics required practice and commitment before they truly made a difference in my mindset. Even now, four years after my diagnosis, I still grapple with the fear of recurrence, but I can confidently say that it’s much less overwhelming than it was in my first, second, and third years of survivorship. If you’re like me and this is something that you also struggle with, I’m here to remind you that confronting your fear of recurrence requires time, courage, and effort, so please remember to give yourself a lot of grace.
3. Healing is not linear.
Healing after breast cancer isn’t straightforward. It’s filled with ups and downs, good days and bad days. Some days you might feel strong and hopeful, while other days you might feel overwhelmed or uncertain. It’s important to remember that progress isn’t always linear and to follow your own timeline, no one else’s. You might experience setbacks or unexpected challenges along the way, but through it all, know that it’s okay to take each day as it comes, to lean on your support system, and to be patient with yourself as you navigate the path to healing.
4. Define what a healthy lifestyle means to you and maintain it.
After completing treatment, I promised myself to put my health first because I didn’t fight for my life to throw it all away. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is crucial after cancer, but it varies from person to person. Define what it means to you. If you need help, consult your trusted care team. Before cancer, I only focused on eating well, exercising regularly, and keeping up with my medical check-ups. However, I realized post-cancer that health is holistic and encompasses more than just physical aspects. I never prioritized my overall well-being, including my mental and emotional health. Making lifestyle changes after breast cancer isn’t easy. It involves identifying your barriers and putting in the effort to make the necessary changes. Personally, I struggled with slowing down because I wanted to fulfill every role and accomplish everything all at once. Once I embraced a slower pace, I could consistently address the areas of my health that needed attention.
5. Advocate for yourself.
We often hear the phrase “advocate for your health.” Going through cancer treatment and experiencing survivorship prompted me to believe we should use the following phrase instead: “advocate for yourself.” When you receive a breast cancer diagnosis at a young age, there can be this misconception that others know what’s best for you. It’s crucial to stand up for yourself – inside and outside the doctor’s office, during treatment and beyond in survivorship. Whether you’re dealing with an erroneous medical bill, seeking workplace accommodations, needing support from loved ones, or communicating your personal boundaries, it’s important to assert yourself whether it’s health-related or not. Your voice carries significant weight, and you have the ability to communicate firmly yet respectfully. Advocating for yourself doesn’t stop once treatment ends. It extends into survivorship.
6. We have different DNA.
These are four words I wish someone drilled into my brain after finishing treatment. As I was transitioning into survivorship, I reactivated my social media accounts and felt so triggered by other cancer thrivers’ experiences. I credulously believed what happened to them – side effects, recurrences, health scares, mishaps – would most definitely happen to me. It took me a few years to really believe and understand that there truly are so many different factors and variations when it comes to cancer, and the comparison game serves us no purpose. To drill this point even further, let’s take covid-19 for example. It’s commonly known that different people, even family members, experience different side effects from the vaccine and different symptoms from the virus. Why? Simply put, we have different DNA. Next time you get triggered by fellow cancer thrivers’ experiences, I hope you remember these 4 words: “We have different DNA.”
7. Aim for courage.
Before cancer, I always aimed for perfection – the perfect job, the perfect image, the perfect everything. Once cancer came into the picture, I lost track of the number of times things weren’t so perfect. There were too many instances when I felt utterly defeated. I found it impossible to constantly be strong and maintain a positive outlook. Life after cancer is not perfect and it never will be because nothing in life is. Instead of striving for perfection, I try my best to aim for courage. Being courageous means taking action despite the negativity you’re feeling. It’s about allowing yourself to experience a range of emotions simultaneously. It’s not about denying emotions but facing them head-on and taking steps forward despite them.
8. Find the type of support that fits you best.
A lot of my friends and family operated under the assumption that my life was back to normal after treatment was over, but in reality, my life was far from normal. The check-ins and support slowly faded, and I eventually learned to find support on my own. But not just any support. I had to find the type of support that fit me best and that would actually make a difference. There are different types of support – whether it’s communicating with your loved ones, seeing a therapist, being active in the breast cancer community, etc. If you look hard enough, you will find stories, people, and locations that offer the support you seek. Everyone is different! For me, I am introverted and do not actively attend large community events. I prefer intimate 1:1 encounters with breast cancer friends, hanging out with my loved ones, journaling, attending my quarterly therapy sessions, dedicating Sundays to myself, and going on adventures with my fiance. It’s up to you to seek the type of support that suits you best.
9. Live life under your own terms.
This one is the most simple and straight-forward. We fought our butts off to be here, so why settle for anything less than a life that truly fulfills us? Don’t allow anyone or anything to hold you back from living the life you want. Take control of your thoughts, be true to yourself, and embrace every opportunity that comes your way. After all, when you’re given a second chance, don’t waste it, seize it, and make it your own.
10. Do it for your old self in treatment.
In survivorship, I often feel scared, I often forget my why, I often feel lost, and I often have bad days. However, I often look back at my old self in treatment and remind myself that I am currently in the middle of what I used to pray for. When you need that extra push or sprinkle of inspiration, look back and do it for your old self. And most importantly, don’t forget to celebrate all your wins, big and small, to commemorate how far you’ve come.
What are some lessons that you learned and which of these 10 lessons resonated most with you?
Breast regards,
Michelle
P.S. This blog post was reposted on @mycancerchic’s blog. Please check out all the amazing posts and resources on her site.
