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To Whom It May Concern:
The fourth episode in my F*** Cancer F*** Fear Series is called, “Your Doctor and The Red Devil.”
I want to start off this blog post with an encounter I had during my cancer journey:
Before my diagnosis, I managed a cancer center in New York City. During active treatment, I chose to work Mondays through Thursdays to keep myself active. I arrived in my office early one morning, and one of the oncologists that I worked with popped in my office and asked me how I was doing. I responded honestly and said I was struggling with fear. This oncologist took a moment to find the right words and ultimately put me in check. In short, the oncologist’s response was, “You’re doing everything you can from a treatment standpoint. Your chemo is powerful, you amputated your breasts, and your future hormone therapy is effective.”
Sometimes when I feel fear, I look back at this conversation and remind myself of 2 things, in particular:
1 – Trust your care team because they are the experts who have gone through years of training. The science behind cancer is so elaborate and it can be really overwhelming, especially when you are newly diagnosed. Unless you’ve gone through proper training yourself, it’s hard to fully understand every single thing. That’s why building trust with your care team is so important, and there’s nothing wrong with finding a new doctor if you feel like your current one is not a good fit!
Side note 1: When I discovered my lump during vacation in South Korea and went to get it checked out, I was misdiagnosed twice and had a really bad gut feeling about the two doctors who misdiagnosed me. When I got back to New York City and met my care team, I questioned everything and everyone because of the two misdiagnoses. It took me some time, but I trust my current care team with my life now because my doctors fit my personality and treat me like an extended family member. Two-way trust is foundational to the doctor-patient relationship!
Side note 2: Have you ever read something on the internet like a breast cancer forum or an absurd statistic that made you fall into the pit of fear? I learned this hard way, but I learned to not trust anything on the internet until my oncologist validates it. I remember freaking out during one visit and asked her about a statistic I found online about recurrence. She point blank stared at me, shook her head no, and asked me to validate things with her before jumping to conclusions — even for things like evidence-based articles. The nosy infusion nurse poked her head in after my visit and told me that she would report the user who posted false information online haha.
2 – Don’t forget how powerful breast cancer treatments are, and don’t forget to give yourself credit for enduring them. I am not an expert and don’t know the success rate of all treatments since everyone’s prognosis is different. In our community, we all know that one of the most powerful breast cancer chemotherapies out there is called the red devil for a reason – it’s so freaking potent. On that same note, mastectomies, lumpectomies, radiation, hormone therapy, and all the other treatments out there are not to be taken lightly either. Our treatments are powerful and evidence-based!
I’ll end with this:
There was a long period of time when I forgot to view my cancer journey from a medical and scientific standpoint. I have to remind myself that I can go to bed at night with peace knowing that I did everything in my power, per my care team’s recommendations, to treat my breast cancer — surgeries, aggressive chemotherapies, and medications that have gone through years of rigorous research and development.
Breast regards,
Michelle
P.S. The 8 episodes in my F*** Cancer F*** Fear series are linked below:
Episode 3: We Have Different DNA
Episode 4: Your Doctor and the Red Devil
