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To Whom It May Concern:
The second episode of my F*** Cancer F*** Fear series is all about my Crisis List.
This is a list I refer to as soon as I feel like I’m in a crisis — when the fear paralyzes me and I get stuck for hours and feel like the rest of my day will be wasted away.
My Crisis List is essentially a list that is tailored to my personal interests and includes activities that truly give me joy.
A huge rule I have for my Crisis List is to be really selective with what activities I keep on it. The point is to only write what I know will help me during times of crisis. I have been fine-tuning my list over the years.
Pictured below is a sample of my Crisis List:
If this resonates with you, I hope you create your own Crisis List and select an activity from it each time the fear gets really bad.
I believe it’s totally okay to feel fear and acknowledge it. BUT! When we get to a point when we feel like the fear is winning, it’s important to try our very best to do something more worthy of our time.
Sometimes when I refer to my Crisis List and pick an activity, the fear still lingers in the back of my mind. However, taking action despite the fear is my way of giving fear my middle finger. It’s kind of like going to the gym on a day you really don’t feel like it. At the end of the day, you are proud of yourself for showing up and not regretting your healthy workout.
During the beginning of my survivorship journey, I used to wonder if using my Crisis List was a way for me to avoid my fears. I learned overtime that my Crisis List actually represents me identifying when the fear is at a really high level and is ultimately doing me absolutely no good and serving zero purpose. There is nothing wrong with a list filled with activities that are meaningful, purposeful, healthy, and joy-inducing.
I want to end with this — my Crisis List often reminds me of active treatment:
During my cancer journey, I remember having to find the inner strength to face my surgeries, procedures, scans, rounds of aggressive chemotherapy, and never-ending doctors’ appointments for the sake of kicking cancer’s a**.
During my survivorship journey, I also have to find the same inner strength to use my Crisis List for the sake of kicking fear’s a**.
If you plan to create your own Crisis List, what activities would you add to it?
Breast regards,
Michelle
P.S. The 8 episodes in my F*** Cancer F*** Fear series are linked below:
Episode 3: We Have Different DNA
Episode 4: Your Doctor and the Red Devil
